- Has your partner had an affair and you are struggling with anxiety and pain that won’t quit?
- Have you recently discovered your spouse has been sexually acting out compulsively?
- Has your partner had a secret life – engaging in behaviors that go against your trust and vows and you had no idea?
- Do you feel like you are riding a roller coaster of emotional swings – between anger and fear – sometimes feeling like you’re going crazy?
If any of this sounds familiar, know that this is not unusual. The pain, anger, and fear that rips through your body and heart can feel unbearable. There is hope for you. You can find a way to healing and recovery in the midst of this very difficult terrain.
Betrayal trauma is the damage that occurs when someone has been in a relationship that they thought was safe and secure only to discover unknown infidelity or sexual addiction. The bonds of attachment that were once the source of stability are torn apart after the discovery of compulsive sexual behaviors outside the relationship or that their partner is in an affair. This discovery can be extremely traumatic resulting in emotional, physical, and mental consequences. Dealing with your partner’s gaslighting, minimizing, denials, and manipulation fosters mistrust, anger, irritability, and confusion.
Symptoms common to betrayal trauma:
- Feeling anxious, unsafe, and hypervigilant
- Emotional swings
- Feelings of shame or guilt – questioning your own value in the relationship
- Feelings of doubt and mistrust toward other relationships and even your self
- Anger and shame that you are reacting so strongly – embarrassed that you “can’t manage this better”
- A wave of anger seems to appear from nowhere – even when you thought you were in a good place… where an image, comment, or a TV scene triggers the intensity of your feelings right back again
- Wondering if you’re crazy
Whether this crisis has meant the end of the relationship, or you are working on repair – or don’t know which way to turn – help is available for you. It may feel maddening to consider treatment for yourself. Often the cry is “I didn’t cause this problem – I’m not the one with an addiction!” While this is true – you are now in the midst of the storm and it way may require some outside assistance. Therapeutic support is often an important step toward emotional healing.
If you want to get help and find relief from the pain – contact me.